


Most of the Time I Wish Nothing Existed

by Zora_Moyashi



Category: Undertale (Video Game), undertale (au)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Errortale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Inktale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Momma CQ (Undertale), Errortale Sans (Undertale), Gen, Hospitalization, Inktale Sans (Undertale), Psychosis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25957210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zora_Moyashi/pseuds/Zora_Moyashi
Summary: An alternate ending to Alainaprana's momma cq au. Error who's 15 now has to deal with the loss of the only comfort in his life, his brother, but can he do it in a healthy way?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. 0.1

Most of the time I wish nothing existed. My family tells me I shouldn't say that or that thinking that will corrupt me into something I don't want to be. How they could ever know that is beyond me. My terminally ill brother lays on the hospital bed that might as well have his name on it. He hadn't been home for days and mom didn't like to see me worry so she took me to see him. He looks horrible. He looks like I feel right now. The fragile older brother with a smile always plastered on his face blinks at me with one eye able to and asks "you been getting along?" he gabs out weekly with heaving breaths between each word. I know what he's talking about and the answer is a hard 'no' but I can't say that to him, not today. Today feels different.

"I've been trying." I say quietly to him as my younger brother lurking by the entrance door shuffles his feet.

"I need you to take care of him. It makes me so sad when you fight." His damaged eye rolls and the liquid the doctors put around it for numbing glistens. Me and fresh fighting is close to an everyday event; he's asking the impossible.

"We have you. I don't need to take care of him." to that he laughs and reaches out a shaking hand for me to come closer. I kneel by the bed and hold his hand. "Today's the day. They didn't tell you?" he whispers to me. I shake my head rapidly and grip his hand tighter. He gently rubs my head resting on his chest as I sob. It felt like only moments before the movement stopped. He's gone I know it I know it. How will I survive without the only person who cares about me enough to be a real friend? How will I keep my tourettes in check? How will mom survive with her only good son gone? Who will clean out his room and forget he ever existed? I'll just die here with you. There's no reason for me to hang out somewhere I'm unwanted. Yeah I'll do that I'll come with you, I'll- the hand of my mom placed on my back makes me let out a agonizing wail before I bury my face in her lap. I don't hear see or feel anything for the next hour. 

\----

I have dreams about him. They're happy ones, it's as if Geno's ghost is making them that way to help me get through this.... That's what they keep saying, 'you'll get through this'. Pain like this doesn't go away. The good dreams are hard to swallow, I was never a good enough brother for him and I see it reflected in my dreams. I let him down. Fresh opens the bedroom door where I am under all of my blankets covered from head to toe. I hear him sit on his bed next to mine and take out his stupid game that he always plays. The clicks and ticks of his thumbs hitting the buttons, the glaring distorted music from those ancient speakers gnaw at my very bones. I tap my fingers violently against my mattress. I haven't spoken to Fresh sense Geno left. I think it's been a week? For the best I'm sure if I don't acknowledge him he can't make me angry, if I don't look at him he can't make me angry, if I don't hear... I throw my hands over my ears just to find it doesn't help.

I pop my head out of the covers and glare and my brother. He noticed and took a glance in my direction. His stupid sunglasses that he wears inside the musty house hide his eyes fine, but those hairy worms over his eye sockets have no such covering. I haven't talked in days, let alone to him. Tears and mucus run down my throat but my voice still sounds as dry as nails on a chalk board. "Play that down stairs." I order. He looks at me seems like he wants to say something as I stare him down. He places his game down and meets my gaze.

"Are you okay?" his eyes glistening under his glasses. I want to yell at him 'the f*** do you think?' I want to kick him to the floor like I used to do when we were younger. I want him to tell mom that he hates her like I know he does, and then run off a bridge cracking his head open on the way down. I want anything other than what actually happens. I let out a deafening high pitched sound, hold my head down and proceed to scream. I scream and scream. Almost refreshing to get to use my voice. Fresh knows better than to try to comfort me. The f###### psychopath calmly leaves the room I hear is footsteps. I hate him I hate him I hate him he shouldn't have been born. I roll over to my side the screaming not stopping. I hold my soggy face in my hands and then slam my head to my pillow. The stupid sound won't stop I tell myself to close my mouth over and over to no response. I feel my mom's hand on my back. I shake and squeal into my pillow for so long than mom leaves with a kiss and an 'I love you' I'm sure it's far into the night but I haven't moved my head so I couldn't tell.

I'm sick of laying here. I haven't eaten in days and I'm starting to feel it. No brother to my right or left. I slip a few of the Tramadol pills I took from one of Geno's prescription bottles, swallowing one. Make my bed look like I might be in it with a few blankets that I keep around. Grab the leather backpack I was given as a gift and creep out of the bedroom I've lived in all my life. Down the stairs I see my brother sleeping on the couch with the tv blaring. Blue, yellow, green, blue, yellow, purple repeat over and over bounce of his stiff form. Good for me, he's a light sleeper, I don't know if I'd be able to make it out if there wasn't white noise draining his ears. Stupid stairs creak with any movement I take. I'd be fine taking my time but it's 5:30 am, mom will be awake soon. So I sprint to the kitchen grab a couple apples, bread, water, blah blah, every kind of food that I hate to eat. I stuff it all into my backpack which is overflowing now, clip it shut. Light dances through my eyes. The front room light is on.

I panic, footsteps are coming to the kitchen I stand in. There is nowhere to hide in this room we've played hide and seek enough to know that. I decide my only hope is to crouch in the unlit corner and pray he doesn't notice. His shadow appears on the tiled floor only to walk away a second later. I wait for an indicator that he's on the couch or at least away from the kitchen but I don't hear anything. Growing impatient I slide on my knees towards the lit room. I can't see him. I stifle a sigh in my throat and get the courage to stand up and make my way to the back door. Walking through unlit halls was never my thing, out of all three of us I was always the one that needed the nightlight, door open, and glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. Thought I grew out of that. Shifting my backpack to my right shoulder I reach for the door blindly, my hand inspecting it for the doorknob. A chill hits me as I find it and crack the door open to the screen door and the windy night.

I'm on the floor. I gasp and look at my brother on top of me who tackled me to the floor. I push him away, I kick him in the shin, he doesn't seem to care. "You can't leave mom. She already lost one son." He says to me calmly. He doesn't care about me, he's only pointing out the obvious. I keep my voice as low as my emotions allow. I'm not waking mom.

"Get off of me. Now." Gritting my teeth I try to head-butt him but he pulls back in time. While he reals from that I use all my energy to flip him off of me and sprint for the screen door. The screen slams against the door frame matching my timing of footsteps down the porch. I don't hear him, which must mean he's waking mom. There's no turning back now though; I'm sick of everything in that house I don't want anything there to ever acknowledge my existence again. The dry grass crunches loudly as I scale every fence that's in my way. I'm not sure where I'm going.

\---

I end up by a river with train tracks running above it. Like the hobo I guess I am now I go to the top of the cement slope and make myself comfortable. It's bright out, and even with the shade and cool breeze flowing by me I can't sleep. Once in a while a couple people would walk on the path past me not noticing anything suspicious. Less often a train would blare through the tunnel like structure I'm in. I'm staring at the river below me. I haven't taken my eyes off it for a while. It's filthy and doesn't glisten when it is in the way of the sun, I don't remember it being that way. Strange.

I ate something, don't remember what but I did making my backpack lighter. Not many thoughts are coming to me but perhaps he could help me feel better? He has lots going on right? He can help me yeahhh... I pack up and slide down the slope jarring my legs when I hit flat ground. I have a vague idea of where his house is. Walking down these streets I remember why I don't want to see them. Plenty of these houses know me and plenty of them hate me. I would cry all the time around here when I was littler weather it was from pity, anger, or pain. A lot happened here but my memory is bad and I can't recall any full events. My hoodie's on trying to be as unrecognizable as possible but that doesn't stop him from shouting at me the second I'm in view.

"Error!!!" ink runs over to me, wrapping me in a hug that he knows I hate. I turn stiff and wait for him to stop. "haha! I missed you! Where've you been?" I examine his face trying to see what his expression means. I shrug to him. I feel way too exposed I ask to go into his house. He nods and we enter. his mom's at work and I have nothing to really worry about, I think. "Wearing my present I see!" if I were anyone else he'd have smacked me in the back and wrapped an arm around me.

"yeah it's nice" I give a very small smile and rub my face with my sleeve. "thanks." I kick my foot and bring it back clicking on the tile floor. His face lights up and he drags me to the front room, jolting my shoulder. Pouncing onto the couch he bounces and turns to me.

"I hate summer bro, like, the heat's fine, but I don't get to see anyone the whole summer break! I'm gonna loose it. I painted a whole mural on my wall already what do they expect now is the real question." He grins cheesily cocks his head to the side and puts a finger on his chin pretending to think. I laugh quietly to indicate I'm listening, standing on his soft carpet, even with my shoes I swear I can still feel it.

"eeeerrrorrr" he snaps his fingers in front of my face. "Wake up kid we're goin' upstairs and I'm showin' ya my mural" I, somewhat annoyed, follow him up the stairs.

"... ahh, why do you call me kid. I'm your age." He turns to look at me for a second to say,

"I call everyone kid." He finishes the rest of the way up the stairs on his hands and knees and moves surprisingly fast. He's such a freak, I don't know why he feels he has to clown around all the time. I follow him the rest of the way and am greeted to a lot of color. It takes me a bit to process it all. Ink skips to the far wall and waves his hand over an area of the mural.

"This is my favorite part" he grins and steps back to look at it with me. I still can't tell what any of it is. There's shapes of blacks, pinks, and blues on the left wall swirling together like a kaleidoscope. Prominently black with the lighter colors differentiating the rest from it. The wall opposite to it is just inverted colors of the other. Looking to the wall he was pointing out seems to be some kind of face. The teeth were all wrong, the eyes were bulging out of the wall, a triangle nose and a brawly body cut off at the hips when there was no more wall to hold it. The colors were all extremely muted compared to the other two walls. I examine it all. I don't know what any of it's supposed to be and it's honestly making my head hurt. I close my eyes to calm down, and turn to ink,

"How do you get your mom to let you mess up her house?" I say leaving the room.

"Keeps me off her back," he grins following close behind me. "Can you believe it! She thinks I get annoying!" I can believe it.


	2. 0.2

I excuse myself to the bathroom and ink goes downstairs to wait. Cleaning up a bit in the sink, watching my bony hands muddle the water's direction, swerving it right and left. I look in the mirror. I don't know what I was expecting but I look like trash. I instantly am embarrassed by myself. I duck my head so I can't see the mirror anymore. My face grows hot and I laugh. Putting my face in my hands with my elbows resting on the sink. I shake and my head twitches. I tell myself to shut up as I continue to laugh quietly. Nothing. 'Why can't I control myself what's wrong with me how can someone so disgustingly useless be related to someone so perfect I hate it I hate myself I hate everything.' The laughing grows louder, it's either that or start crying again. I won't allow that.

I hear the knob turn, I'd already locked it but even so I jump at the sound and try to be quieter. I put my hands over my mouth. My eyes start watering but I refuse it. Ink knocks on the door

"Error, can I come in?" I hear the worry in his voice. It's a new sound and I don't like it, you're my friend not my mom. I inhale and on the exhale I give a breathless 'no'.

I've known Ink for so long he's practically part of the family. Whenever I need something I can count on him to be there... That's probably why he hadn't asked why I was walking down the blazing street with a hoodie on, crunched leaves embedded in my clothes, and his backpack full of food. Any other day he would have let it be. I don't hear him leave, typical. Suddenly the door swings open and I let out a little yelp and step into the bathtub and sit behind the curtain as fast as I could. Ink must have a toothpick in his hand he used to unlock the door. I forgot that's how his doors work. With my head between my legs and hands hugging my legs I sit there in the chilled tub. I hear the clacks of his feet on the tile step forward.

"Don't talk to me, don't acknowledge me, don't touch me, just mind your own business for once," I say this but I don't know what I actually want. I might want him to climb into the tub and lean on my shoulder, I might want him to tell me about pranks that he's pulled, I might want him to cuddle me like we would as kids on my front room carpet with dust particles reflecting off the sun through the window. "I'm begging y-you" I stutter out. At the very least I'm not laughing anymore...

I wait. Eventually I hear the curtain get pulled back and his arm brush against the tub as he sits on the floor. He sets his head against my back and says quietly,

"Do you want me to go home with you?" without thinking I strongly say "I'm not going back there." That's unrealistic. I don't know what I'm doing and he knows it. I surprise myself, the physical contact isn't bugging me for once.

"Have you been taking your medicine?" he asks as unintrusively as he can. I shake my head and I snicker at myself.

"I haven't taken any of it in, like a week." He seems surprised by this as he moves his head off of my back. He makes a sound with his mouth that sounds like a whistle of sorts.

"so... that means geno-" he clearly wasn't going to finish the sentence so I stand up, swing the curtain as far as it goes and leave the room. I think about leaving his house but it's nice in here. Quieter than where I was hiding out. Downstairs I sit on his couch with a PlayStation controller in hand to distract myself with the game I never got to finish. A stealth based 2d platformer with gloomy colors. I cross my legs under me. The doughy couch refuses my weight lightly pushing me up higher with my feet digging into it. I don't remember what this game is about, nor what I was doing last, so I wander and interact with whatever's available. My eyes start to blur out of focus. I raise my sleeve and rub my eyes roughly. My far sight is trash, but I'm not going to wear those dumb red bottle ring glasses. Lowering my arm I still can't read any of the text on screen. I grip the controller with enough pressure that my hands sting. I about threw it at the tv, but I know better I guess. I set it down. My head hits the back of the couch and I stare at the blobs of NPCs walk back and forth.

Ink joins me on the couch and grabs the controller on the ground. I hold in a sigh and cross my arms. Sounds and colors move along the track Ink lays out gracefully executing the program ingrained in them. My eye wanders over to him who seems content in contrast to my outburst only minutes ago. I'm sick of this.

The rattle of the front door opening takes me out of my thoughts. Seeing 'aunt' Comyet walk through the door swinging her purse over a handle is a normal sight for me but even so something seems different.

"Hi, mommm!" Ink shouts right into my ear. Aunt Com doesn't respond and when she locks eyes with mine she seems stunned. After a moment of silence I raise my hand in a wave to her and smile sheepishly... with no acknowledgement I slowly lower it and rub the back of my head eyes plastered to my shoes.


	3. 0.3

Ink stands up and walks up to Com. Out the corner of my eye I see her motion for Ink to talk with her away from me. Once they leave the room I turn off the game's sound, lean against the arm of the couch, and listen in as well as I could.

"How long has he been here?"

"Uhh, like an hour?" I feel like it's been longer than that, but I can't tell for sure. I hear shuffling of blankets in the closet as I assume aunt Com is looking for one for me. "Why?" ink questions with a bit of a quiver in his voice.

"He ran from home a week ago. He hasn't talked to his mom in almost two weeks. We need to help him." she said all of this in a quieter tone. I scoot closer to hear and now I'm in view of ink.

"I mean, I agree and all but mom, what are you planning on doing exactly?" he rolls his hands in a circle and tilts his head. Aunt Com sighs.

"I plan on doing what I have to. Ask him to sleep over would you?" Ink seems hesitant with his mom's tone but shrugs none the less and heads back to the couch. I scramble to turn on the sound and sit back in my seat before he gets back. Ink plops into the seat next to me.

"Wanna sleepover tonight?" he grabs the controller and continues the game. I swing my feet while picking at the fabric under my arm. I hesitate to answer him. I mean, I guess I could? I suddenly feel a chilled hand or something on my arm. I shudder and look at the spot to find nothing. Surprised I rub my arm heating it back up.

"...Sure." My head starts racing about trivial things. What if they make me go back to my house? Or maybe send be back to the hospital. They could try to kill me in my sleep if I stayed right? All of this is ridiculous and I know it, but it keeps gnawing at me. Com and Ink love me like their own family, they wouldn't hurt me. I relay that to myself over and over in my head, but why should they love someone as scatter brained as me? I shake my head and look to the being that's subtle inhaling is making me even colder. "Ink, c-can I talk for a second?"

"Shoot," turning his attention to me and deciding to lay his head on the couch's arm and blanket my lap with his legs like I'm his therapist or something.

"I don't know what to do, it's all my fault that Geno's gone. I need your help to... you know, fix it?" I look over expectantly. His brow crunches up as he bites his lip. He puts both his hands over his head hanging them off the couch and closes his eyes for a second looking exasperated.

"Okay, first of all it's not your fault. He was sick before you were even born. It was amazing he hung in there as long as he did. You know that don't ya? And second this can't be fixed because he's not coming back." I am shocked by how blunt he was. Even if he is wrong I start shaking.

"But Ink, y-you always help me to fix my messes!" anytime I hurt anyone, or break something he knows exactly how to handle it. How dare he refuse to help the only time it's actually important.

"This isn't your mess!" he laughs. "I know you miss him. I miss him! But you knew this was coming!" He retracts his legs back to his side of the couch. I shudder so violently I might crash. 'Not my mess' like hell it's not. I snap my head towards Ink.

"I saw his damn soul shatter right in front of me. He's the only person who cares about me. You have NO idea how alone I am and don't pretend you do. Just gather the shards and glue it together like that f###### vase we broke a year ago! It can't be that hard for you! You can fix literally anything." he sits up and looks me strait in the eye making me incredibly uncomfortable.

"It's not 'hard' it's impossible. I care about you error. Me! You're my best friend remember?! Acting like I'm nothing but a hollow shell that pretends to like you and pretends to enjoy talking to you is a really sucky thing to say! And I'm not just here to clean your messes okay?" His cheeks flush with color as he glares at me.

"Good thing I didn't say that hmmm!?" Ink opens his mouth to shout back, but aunt com puts a hand on his shoulder pulling him away. I pull my legs up to my chest and look away. Ready to be scolded like I always am.

"That's enough of that, go to your room, Ink. Error's having a hard time and you're making it worse. You know better."

"I'm just telling him how it is ma!" Com gives him a look to say 'I'm serious' and Ink gets more upset. Ink tries to stand up but is pulled back down by me. I didn't even realize I had his sleeve in my hand but I wouldn't let go. Aunt Com looks at me holding Ink.

"Honey please let go. Ink should think about his words more. He'll come back to be with you in half an hour." I don't let go.

"It's fine," I mumble out. "I started it anyway." My turrets got in the way of my words but they were understandable. Com gives a little sigh and nods.

"Just... Be nice you two. Okay?" She walks back to her office room. I watch her leave and right after she's gone Ink folds his arms and glares at me. In a quiet voice he continues the conversation.

"Error, bud, I love you k? I want you to be happy but this is something you have to accept. He's gone. Having him around as long as we had him was amazing. That's over though. Okay?" I feel my face scrunch into a scowl. You pretend to have the life you want constantly. You pretend everything's perfect, and make up friends places and things for yourself. I can't have any of that? You're being unfair and I hate it. I can't find the words to express any of this to him though. I just shake my head dig my fingers into the couch's fabric keeping quiet.

\----

The front room starts to lose its shade of purple and sinks into a navy blue. Ink fell asleep beside me and I am in the worst company imaginable. That being myself. I've been staring out the window for some time headlights passing every 2 minutes. People going home to their families after a day of work which they'd rather die than have another of. Well some people I guess. I shouldn't pretend to understand others.

The crisp breeze pattering the opening of the window and greeting me inside the house smells so sweet it's tempting to sleep out there again. Night air might be the only thing that's kept me going lately. That's a dumb thing to say. 

Rubbing my head I pull my blanket up past my chin and curl up on my side of the couch burrowing my nose into the space between the cushion and the couch's arm. Ever sense Geno, I've not wanted to sleep. The stillness isn't welcome anymore but even so it sweeps over me and I'm gone until the morning.


	4. 0.4

I jolt awake with a new weight pushing on my gut. My arms reflexively push away the weight and it turns out it works this time. My assailant hits the floor and starts rolling around laughing to himself. I lift my eyes from the blanket and I see Ink grinning. I stare at him unamused. He grabs my arm so fast I have no time to react and he pulls me onto the floor. I land half on Ink, half on the ground. I push him away with my foot and sit up rubbing my nose to ease the pain.

"Innk.." I protest. Giggling he stands up and walks toward the kitchen.

"I tried waking ya. Your own fault for sleeping like a rock." He turns abruptly and shouts out 'oh!' and runs upstairs. I look around confused and head to the kitchen where com is making pancakes.

"Morning Error, did you sleep well?" I shrug to her finding a seat at the bar table. She smiles softly as her curly hair slides back over her shoulder when she turns her attention to the food. I rest my head on the bar as the sun rolls over the room gently. Almost back asleep I'm interrupted again.

"I made this for you while you were sleeping!" Ink slams a paper on the table after sitting next to me. I blink lazily at the page a few times before registering what it is. A pencil sketch of me sleeping on the couch, mostly curled up with my head ducked to the front showing half of my face. I roll my head on the counter to look at him with a look that I assume wasn't pleasant. He laughs at me and says "as I said! Your own fault!" Rolling my eyes I try to pretend he's not sitting next to me babbling about god knows what. The food arrives blocking my vision of the spot I was staring at. I close my eyes involuntarily and hear muffled chewing interrupted by a typical out burst of words. Am I falling asleep? Again? 

When my eyes flutter open I'm alone in the kitchen with a note from aunt com next to me. I don't feel like reading it, so I push it aside. I see Ink through the glass door on his tree swing the sun right above it making a large patch of shade. That tree is the best thing about this house easily. Even though it's at least 100 years old the bark is smooth and the branches are perfect for climbing. At the top there's a perch to hide on with the leaves leaving a dense covering. All around good tree. I nod to myself and push against the counter letting me out of my seat and onto the floor.

As I walk to the living room it hits me that the Tramadol I've been taking from Geno's pills could be making me drowsy, seeing as I'm not usually tiered like this. Risperidone is my main prescription back home, and Tramadol is just a pain reliever if I remember right. Eh, beggars can't be choosers. I reach for my backpack I put behind the TV which is tangled with the wires knots over and under it. I criss cross my legs and start to untie the whole ball of strands. I had to unplug a few things to get to the main problem. How it got this messed up in one night is beyond me. When I get the bag safe in my arms the clip lets out easily and I grab 2 Tramadol pills. I don't think twice about taking them, hell if I stay drugged up being sleepy is an easy price to pay for feeling better.

I put the bag back and think to myself what I should do with myself. I can't stay here. Frankly I don't want to stay here. Their relations to my family are much too strong. I haven't changed my mind about mom and Fresh I honestly never want to see or think about them again. It's not that I'm mad at them, it just feels so wrong with a whole person missing. There's no way a 15 year-old could get a job that pays for room and board. Not to mention my difficulty getting along with others.

I look back at the tree swing. Ink is fine I should be too. I tell myself not to think about it. Nothing matters. Don't worry about it. If problems come they simply shouldn't bother me. If I die maybe I can see him again. I take a deep breath and saunter over to Ink. The glass door slides uneasily getting stuck and 1\8th open. I groan and roll my eyes taking hold of the handle with both hands with my footing firm against the mat and slamming the door open. Ink jumps at the sound, and turns to me.

Ink stands on the swing and smiles. "Be gentle to the door Error. It didn't do anything to you!" That's not true, I've got my fingers stuck in this door multiple times, and it NEVER opens. I silently join him and push his back giving him a good swing. I sit against the tree out of his way.

"I know you don't like talking about this kinda thing Error, but do you have anything you need to say?" I bounce my head against my shoulder to get more comfortable.

"What? Did I do something wrong teacher?" I mutter sarcastically responded with,

"When have you NOT done something wrong~!" He jokes. He seems to regret saying it right after. He doesn't acknowledged it though. "I'm just curious what you have planned. Com assumes you're going back home eventually. She's wrong though isn't she?" I give a curt nod. "Huh, so you gonna be my brother now or what?" I kinda recoil at the thought. Ink looks offended, "Gee! I didn't know I was THAT bad of company," he snickers. "Well fine! But you can't expect me to let you go live on the street, eat trash, and freeze to death. "

"Like it's you're problem what I do with my life." I started glaring at him. I know I'm lost and I know I have nowhere to turn. You don't have to rub it in.

"It is though because we're friends," he drops into sitting position on the swing and drags his feet in the dirt to stop.

"....Whatever." Silently I mess with the pull strings on my hoodie. Ink stares right at me but my attention is focused on my hoodie. The longer I ignore him the more angry he gets. He decides to push my head up forcefully to look at him.

"Error, that's enough of this. Let's just-" I cut him off by slapping his hand away from my head. He pulls his hand back realizing he over stepped his bounds. "Uh, anyway just, hmmmm. How do I say this. I know you have some mental illnesses, and I am very sorry that life dealt you a bad hand. But I wanna help you get through it. If your story ends short it'd be a real shame." He rests his head on his hand leaning against his leg with the swing's mettle chain getting in the way of his brown eye leaving the green one visible.

I squint. That's a strange way to put that, Ink.


	5. 0.5

Yeah, yeah. I'm hit over the head again with the fact that I'm just a play thing to Ink. He's just like Fresh. They should really hang out more, maybe they'd see they really are psychopaths. I feel like the kid who's spent half of his life in a hospital for one reason or another would be able to diagnose some specific things. But no. I'M the 'crazy one' why would anyone listen to me? I hear Com's car drive up and park by the house. I hop into a standing position run across the yard and jump onto the wooden fence my hands barely reaching the top. I pull myself up so my head's above the planks and I see... nothing? 

"Error what the F*ck? I was talking to youuu." I look back at him for a moment his hands are up questioning as he scowls at me. Looking to the street again and there's still no Com. Slowly I slide down the fence and go back to the tree.

"Di-didn't you hear Com's car?" 

"Don't change the subject boi. This is important." My eye lids go low as I look at him dully. I sigh and roll my eyes as a puff of dust scatters around us as he steps off the swing. 

"No, but really did you hear anything?" he waves his hand over his face dismissing my question. 

"You're just hearing things. Plus you worry too much! It doesn't matter if she's here or not."

"Fine, but IS she here?" He only shrugs. "Wow. You are, no help today." I head off to the house going at a pace that may have been a little over the top.

"Error come'on, really?" Ink's voice can barely be heard through the house. I slide down the ramp leading out of the house to the front yard and I'm greeted to a familiar face, but not Com. His glasses hit me in the face as I hit the end of the ramp. How I didn't see him before I ran down the ramp is beyond me. 

"Ugg" I couldn't hold in my disgust when I saw my brother's face. "Anyone but you." He straitens his hat that was askew after the impact.

"Yeppers, just little old me. Good to see you too broseph." he gives me finger guns and clicks his tongue. 

I swear he makes my stomach turn. "Go find someone else to bother! I'm not listening to anything you-" My mom comes up from around the back of the house, where I guess they parked? she greets me and comes up to hug me. I instantly back off. I feel like I shrunk into the house like a feral cat being chased by a dog. Before I could blink I slammed the front door in their faces. Good move Error, good move. That's not going to help you in any way. Could have played it cool and snuck out when the time was right. Nooo. Of course not. Not this imbecile. 

My breathing's getting shallow and irregular. I swear I heard Com's car, the strange cough like sounds laced with the hum of the engine are something I've only heard from her dark green Honda. Meaning, they took her car, or Com is also somewhere around here. My ears twitch like they're straining to hear something that's not there. I'm in view of the swing and Ink's not on it anymore. I can't breathe I need to calm down. I start to feel light-headed like I might pass out. My body aches. I haven't eaten any real food in a couple days but NOW it's getting to me. Ridiculous.

No knocking on the front door, I assume they understand I'm not gonna open it. I hear some faint chattering even so. I take a foot forward only to have my knee buckle under me as my sight gives up. I'm really fainting? Wow. burning pluses run through my eyes and temples, but thankfully stops fairly quickly. I'm on my knees when my senses come to. I struggle to straighten myself up. After I'm steadied I head upstairs to Ink's room. I clearly don't have a plan and I'm mentally kicking myself every clueless step I take. I see mom going to the backdoor outside the window, it's locked though. I checked.

I slide into Ink's room locking the door behind me. I'm shaking and I honestly don't know why. Probably just the hunger. My head feels too heavy to keep up so I grab his paint splotched pillow and toss it onto the floor. I curl up around the pillow and my brain shuts off.

all too soon someone's knocking on the door. "Error~ your mom's here to see you," it's Ink's twangy voice. I squint to the door for a second. 

"Tell her to get f*cked." I say in a groggy voice. He giggles at me.

"That wouldn't be a good idea." He waits for a response. "Well we're coming in bud."

"It's locked-" the doorknob twists and reveals mom and Com, along with Ink holding a toothpick in his hand. "This damn house!" I slam my head against the pillow before laying face down motionless, groaning.

Ink sits by me on the floor and grabs his pillow from me. Before I could protest he throws a much softer pillow with a strange pattern on it at me. A little shocked I get comfortable with the new one and run my finger around the pattern.

"....So...?" I slowly look up at mom. "What?"

"Are you okay sweetie? Feeling better?" She looks at me. Her eyes are glassy and she looks beat.

"Hah... yeah whatever." I'm not trying to give her attitude, but it's not easy.

"We were really worried about you."

"...Cool." The room falls into silence before Ink kicks me in the shoulder lightly. I shrug violently to him. "What do you want me to say?!" 

He says somewhat quietly and close to my ear so mom or com probably couldn't hear, "They're thinking about hospitalizing you. If you want to get out of here I suggest you cut the attitude." He sits back into his space. My jaw drops as I look at him. I thought it might happen, but now????

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT. I'M PRACTICALLY AN ADULT! I GET TO DECIDE!" Ink insistently threw his hands over his ears at my volume. 

He whispers, "God. you're loud." Fresh pokes his head into the room looking to see me freak out like he always does, making me more annoyed. I'm now on my feet giving mom a look that could kill. 

"I'M GOING TO FIND A WAY TO HELP GENO." I pause to breathe, with my dizziness coming back. "And you can't stop me." mom is a little taken aback but responds.

"We just want to help you feel better. You haven't taken your meds and we were worried you might break down after you ran away, we just-"

"If you get in my way, I'll kill you." I look her dead in the eye. It was actually almost funny how I said it. I was surprised no one laughed, guess they know I mean it. Ink is mentally face-palming while the other two just seem mad.


	6. 0.6

Looks like I screwed up again. We sit in silence until Fresh saunters over to me. I stare him down, he's getting real close. Only about a foot away now so I take a step back almost running into Ink. He starts laughing at me. I don't know what I feel about his strange jester. What I do know is I want that stupid sound he's making to never be heard again by anyone in this damn world. He stops just as randomly as he started.

"What's wrong with you?" I'm disturbed but when I look at anyone else in the room they act like this is normal behavior. He lets out another fake ass laugh.

"How are you going to kill anyone if you're scared of your own bro touching you?" He continues to chortle , "you're the biggest fraidy cat I've ever met." Wheezing to himself, crunched over he wipes a tear off his face. No, that's not sliding. You're dead.

I ram into Fresh who's glasses I successfully knocked off to the floor. This b**tered may be taller than me nowadays but he's still just as pathetically week. I trip him down, he hits his head on one of Ink's art supply containers. Right onto the corner of it. I'm stepping on his stomach smashing down his arms with the rest of my weight. he pulls his arms over his head, I connect with his cheek as I send a left hook. When his head rolled to it's side I see the box did a number on him. There's a gash about the size of a finger oozing onto the blue carpet.

I feel two hands yank me away from him just as I was about to smash the box into the side of his head. Instead it drops onto him. I spin my body around and kick down hoping to trip whoever's grabbing me. It's Ink, he didn't let that happen as he throws me to the side as hard as he could. I roll off of Fresh and hit my mom's legs who's right there grabbing me again. I'm dizzy from all the sudden motion but I can make out Com's figure coming in as well. I squirm as much as I can. They're on his side, of course they are. No one's on my side unless my side is to sit still and be quiet. I want Geno.

I stop fighting back eventually. I'm too exhausted to do any real damage so what's the point. Let alone run away. I'd get 2 blocks away at most. It's fiiine. I'll just wait it out like I should have done earlier. I need to make myself think before my body does what it wants. They want me to get in the car. I just shrug it off. whatever. I head over and get in, Ink's talking to me I think? I don't understand it though it's just sounds. No Fresh, maybe I knocked him out. Cool. I rub my eye and just give a short wave to Ink deciding to lay down hogging all of the backseats. it's fine.

My head swerves against the car window frame. Not liking the feeling of my body doing things I don't tell it to I place my hand roughly against the side of my head to stop it. If you've never had involuntarily motions it'd be hard to explain. It's the easiest movements you'll ever make, your muscles and tendons feel like they're being pulled by strings from a puppet master. You move, but you almost don't feel it. When I was little I would cry to my mom saying that I've got a demon inside me wiggling around. She'd tell me that I'm okay and that there's no such thing, and even though I'm 'a little different' she loves me the way I am. Wonder if she still believes that fabrication.

Now she's driving me who knows where. A mix of anxiety and apathy lace my eyes. Never had control of my life before. Why would I think that would ever change? 

I hear mom say 'Asy' multiple times. hospital then. 

Asy was one of Geno's physical therapy trainers. He liked him a lot but I don't see why. He's full of scars all up his arms along with his forehead looking like a scab that'll never heal. His pupils are miss matched making me wonder if he's high on something. Not to mention his voice.

"Hey, Error! It's good to meet you in person." He puts out a hand for me to shake. I'm not sure how I got here. After a moment to register I simply except that this is where I am. 'How' doesn't matter. I lock eyes with him 'are you dim? I'm not touching that.' Retracting his arm he continues, "Geno told me all about you and your brother. He loved you both very much." I roll my eyes. If he told you ANYTHING about me, the topic of my Haphephobia would have come up. What a genius. Instantaneously, like he read my mind,

"I know you don't like touching people, just wanted to be friendly." He smiles then sets down a paper. "Anyway kiddo, you're going to be staying with us for a little while. We're going to try to keep up with your pills and get you feeling better. When that happens you are free to leave! Sound good?" yeah sure. I'm getting out of here weather I 'feel better' or not. I'm taking control of my life. If that harms ties branching off my own strings to other's lives than so be it. 

"Sure, Asy," I said it so robotically I was surprised it even came out of my mouth. He seems surprised as well?

"Ah, so you know who I am. This will make things easier," he smiles gently and nods. 

"... So I have to take them?"

"What are you referring to kiddo"

"The pills. I have to take them?" He looks to the tan ceiling resting his head onto his arm. His gaze slides towards me. 

"That depends on you. I could tell you a story about someone who was on pills as long as they could remember and got off them. That could very well be you in a year or two."

"You 'could' tell me the story or are you going to tell me the story?" I say leaning back getting comfortable for a long stay.

"It depends on what you want. You may be here against your will but we want to make everyone as comfortable and in-charge as they can be." This guy is weird. I wave my hand and pull up my legs from the floor.

"Yeah sure, say what you want, guy." Might as well stay. He's probably some of the best company I'm going to get in this hole. I really don't want to go to a room by myself. He nods again to me.

"Alright I'll continue then. This patient was schizophrenic, or at least that's what he was diagnosed. He was in a part of the hospital where no one expects them to leave ever because of how bad their problems are. Long story short someone very kind started to see the patient whenever they had time. She helped to keep the patient grounded, a reason to know what day it was, a reason to look forward to tomorrow. Simple things that around here." He motions his hands in a circle. "Are very important. The patient grew to know more people and how to interact with them. Everyone was amazed by the progress and when they were finally released, the friend that helped them through the whole thing was right there waiting for them." Okay.

"That's pretty much it Error. It took them years and harder work than you might be able to imagine, but they have a great life now." I look at him over my knees blankly. 

"Not to be a philosophical b*tch about this but what does a 'great life' have in it?" It in no way sounded like a question but it still got an answer.

"Friends, laughs, stability, and peace of mind if I were to say." He looks at me happily. What do I even say to this guy? He's idealistic but not over barring I don't know if I should complain to him or what but he's making me uncomfortable. I'll just stop listening. After a few questions that I don't answer he asks If i'd like to go to the main room and talk to some other patients. He decides for me that's for the best even though I gave him no input. He leads me to the open area, and asks me to enjoy my self and if I need anything he's back in his office. 

Looking around it reminds me of preschool. there's people sitting on the floor, laying over the side of couches, other's fighting over what channel they want the overseer to change the tv to. Books line every wall, with some board games dispersed between it all. Everyone is either busy or with a group. I don't want to talk to them anyway. I grab a chess board and sit in a corner which I drag a pillow over to lean against. 

I line the pieces out in the proper order and start a game by myself. I've done this before. You'd think someone with 2 brothers wouldn't have to do this much, but Geno was almost never home. I'm not good at this game, that's the only reason this is even a little fun. I like to bet which side is going to win at the beginning. While not being a cheater of course and just play how I would normally play every move that is made to each side.

When everything is in place except the rook in my hand I inspect the piece instead of getting on with the game. They're made of wood but might be hallow, I don't see a seam to connect any pieces if it is. So I can't really say. They are definitely well made, almost look like they're hand carved but this rook's 'crown' is very ridged. I run my finger around it's rim. I wonder how this got past inspection, if there's a good reason for it looking like this. I'll never get an answer, but I can make my own. If I had any imagination that is. that's what ink's for.

I place the rook in the middle of the board and start staring at the board. I move the pieces around the field until it's down to 7. The rook I was inspecting earlier has cornered the opposing king into check mate. Games over, a rook dark, two knights both sides, a king dark, a pawn light, and a bishop light survived the battle. I like to pretend the pieces are people I know. It feels like some voodoo crap but it's fun. The knights are Fresh and Ink, bishop is Com. King and pawn... Hmmm king's mom and pawn's Deccans. Yeah sure. Obviously I'm the f***in rook that killed the light king Geno. 

I swipe my arm across the board clicking every piece to the tile floor. My head hurts.


	7. 0.7

After being bored for a few hours they're about to send us to our rooms to sleep. Some kid wasn't having any of that. A girl around my age with patchy freckles all over her face and arms complains to one of the overseers about how there's nothing to do in the sleeping areas and that she's not tired or something. I'm only half listening. All I know is she's holding everyone up. I'm leaning against the wall that I've practically claimed by the chess board. I hit the back of my head against it lazily while wishing my mind wasn't as blank as it is. I close my eyes letting out an irritated sigh. The only time I've let my guard down even a bit here I'm instantly attacked.

"Hey! You're new! Staying long?" A hand from the right grabs my shoulder I instantly retaliate with a shove to the owner. They reel back rocking on one heel and catching theirself with the other. After getting balanced they look pissed. Before they're able to yell at me or rat me out I make their mistake clear.

"I'm sorry." Not really. "Just don't touch me." I really don't want any interactions here. It'll just keep me locked up longer. Their eyes burn brightly in my direction with extreme anger. I didn't even push them that hard..? I stare them down expecting a punch. Nothing. "It's just a reflex" I explain. They turn to walk with their friends as the line finally starts moving, shooting me a nasty glare. I can't help a smile cracking it's way through my bland facade. Covering my mouth a snort followed by a few stifled laughs pour out of my mouth. It feels so foreign

Before I knew it they're charging at me and swing a fist at my head. I didn't have trouble dodging so they hit the wall making a small dent. As usual my brain doesn't tell me to stop fast enough as I bow wrapping an arm around their rib cage supporting the weight on my shoulder and other hand gripping their leg. I straighten myself flipping them feet in the air instantly letting go to have gravity do the work for me. The sound of my victims skull smashing into the floor with a sickening squish broke me out of my apathetic trance. The sound didn't match, maybe I imagined it. At my feet they lay, the top of their head leaking blood through their hair.

I wonder if they're unconscious.

I can't pull my eyes away feeling the silence in the room. I know everyone's looking at me. My only option is to sit on the ground and examine the body. Their eyes flutter open locked on mine in an instant they're grabbing for my neck. They're much too weak to do any harm. A limp hand circles my neck. It flops off my shoulder as they lay back down given up.

Some old guys usher the two of us to asy. They place us in two chairs across the room from each other. A nurse examines my counter part, they shine a flashlight past their eyes, check hearing, the typical for a head injury. Asy and I wait for the nurse to finish quietly. My 'victim' assures that they're fine. They clean the abrasion on their head that has stopped bleeding. They whisper to each other.

After the nurse is satisfied they leave the room leaving my victims eyes only on me. I let out a nervous cough feeling it'd be best if I disappeared. I stare at the fake plant in the corner attempting to break their gaze. Asy starts with,

"So what exactly happened?" They didn't miss a beat,

"He shoved me for being a nice person just saying hi." They whine. "Then he flipped me onto my head! I probably have a concussion now!" I pretend not to be listening. Asy asks for my side of the story to which I give a small shrug still staring at the plant.


	8. 0.8

He asks me again to tell my side of the story. Somehow I don't see the point of explaining. I rock my foot back and forth before mumbling out an apology. Asy says through a sigh

"You're not in trouble. I just want to know what happened." yeah right. The kid stares me down and I shiver because of it.

"Can I leave now?" I fold my arms and lean back in my chair.

"You can leave right after you tell your side." 

"Whatever, they came up to me and touched my shoulder. I reacted on instinct and pushed them away. I apologized but they got mad and came at me, so I threw them on the floor." I shrug. The kid across from me scoffs and rolls their eyes. Asy nods and smiles

"I greatly appreciate the truth boys. please no violence what so ever while you're here, that said you're free to go back to the group error." I hear a deafening screeching sound as the kid lifts from their chair shoving it against the unpolished floor.

"I told the truth! Dr. Asy! He started it!" Asy puts a hand up to quite them.

"You did leave out some important information. While you didn't lie, it is still deceiving." 

"How do you know! You weren't even there!" Asy turns his computer screen showing security footage and plays the whole incident. 

"I'll keep you here for just a few more minuets Randy, you're not in trouble. There's just a couple more things I want to discuss." The doctor waves me away, as I get up Randy sits down. I don't give him the satisfaction of eye-contact as I leave the room. 

I'm led by a worker back to my group. Everyone was going to their bed rooms, by the time everyone else was out of the hall the overseer realized I'm the new one and had to check her notes for where I'm supposed to sleep.

"You're Error right?" She asks with a dumb looking smile. I have to keep myself from rolling my eyes so it takes a second for me to nod. "Okay good, you're in this room." She says taking me to a room like all the others. 2 bunk beds. Shit. I have 3 roommates. "Your mom said she'd bring you your things tomorrow, but for tonight you can use these as pajamas. Your bed is the one on the left top bunk." No duh. It's the only one without someone in it. "Now I'll let you introduce yourself, goodnight you four." The others in the room say 'goodnight Miss Wells' in differing tones and energy levels.

I sigh and take the pajamas and go to the small bathroom that is connected to our room. I would just sleep in my clothes but I don't know how often they'll let me wash them and I only feel comfortable in a small selection of clothes. When I get back out to the main room they seem to have forgot about me. Good. I climb in bed, throw a pillow over my head and try to drown them out and sleep. They're too loud for it to work though.

"Hey, why didn't you just change in this room? You'll get your clothes all wet if you always change in there." I was tempted to ignore him completely but I mumble out

"I don't want to be watched changing by a bunch of strangers. Sue me."

"I bet he's gay," one of them said to the other.

Just ignore them. Just ignore them.

"Well are you gay?" The kid in the bunk under me pokes his head over to see me.

"...just let me sleep."

"If you answer the question then I'll let you."

"No."

"No you're not gay or no you won't answer?"

"Either. Please just shut up." They don't. I want Geno. I just want Geno. Why do I have to be here? My eyes start to sting. I sniffle into the pillow and beg for this all to stop. But it doesn't. It never will until I make it stop for myself.


End file.
